Please forgive the >>, yes I nicked this directly off an email. And you’ve probably seen this before but it’s pretty funny
The Genius of Peter Kay :
1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
3) I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming.
4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don’t get on with my real ladder.
5) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different name but one day I turned to my bullies and said – ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me’, and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
6) My Dad used to say ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
7 ) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, Six should be enough.’
8 ) If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
9 ) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.