Corporate Lessons: The Teleconference

My company uses a lot of teleconferences for meetings since we’re all in different locations.  Considering the global nature of Infosys, I wonder if we don’t use teleconferences more than the average company, but that’s another discussion, for another time.

Most teleconferencing call services are the same.  One dials a main number, then enters a conference ID and is then presented with a simple question – please say your name and then press the ‘#’ symbol.  While a simple question that is easily answered, the ramifications of saying your name are far greater.

The positives: Listing my name, like saying ‘here’ to a roll call says that I, Al Martine – new consultant who is also on the bench – have chosen to participate in this awe-inspiring event worthy of the leaders time.  It kisses ass, with a hint of a being a team player – or is this reversed?  All in all, on the surface referencing ones name appears to be a good thing.

Unless, the meeting is a total farking waste of time.  And if you’ve worked at all in corporate or a firm that just loves meetings you know what I mean.  The call starts late, the conversation is unstructured or poorly designed for a call and finally opens up to questions.  On average, I’ve rarely heard a useful question that actually applies to me during this part of a call.

“Hey, Bob, this is Joe – long time listener; first time questioner.  In regards to the new TPS report – should we have one or three cover pages?”

“That’s a great question Bob …” and if you’ve already read the TPS guidelines you would have known that it said ‘have 1 cover page’ so the 4-8 minutes of conversation around this topic is utterly useless.

So what do you do?  If you’re in a face-to-face meeting one can take notes or brainstorm something else on paper, if you’re allowed to use laptops email can be checked or Facebook, if a Blackberry exists the same or a final option is to just stare into space until the moment is over.   Hell, I’ve asked to be excused if the meeting rambled too much.

But, not in a phone call.  Ya can’t speak up and say – hey guys, I’m going to go because this is farking useless.  And – here’s the kicker – if you gave your name at the start of the call – ya can’t hang up either because if it’s like our system or most the software immediately says “Al … Martine” has left the call.

No explanation on my departure – just I’ve left.  Not good.  It’s the reason more experienced consultants never leave their name.  It doesn’t kiss ass as much, but provides the open door at the end of a meeting that could have easily been replaced with a decent deck with filled in notes.

Young consultants, soon to be in the real world MBAs, those too dim to think of this yourself – take note.

Some final thoughts:

1. One could probably do a study looking at the amount of people who don’t list their names and feedback on meeting effectiveness to get a pretty good gage on the organizer’s effectiveness
2. Conference call companies – provide a way to leave a call without announcing Bob has left
3. Conference call companies – provide options that could serve as a survey for why someone left that could be checked at the end of a meeting
1. Farking Useless
2. Had to use the bathroom, on corded phone
3. Another meeting
4. Fell asleep – forehead hit disconnect
4. And finally, if you haven’t really prepared for a meeting – don’t have it.

Ya’ll have a nice day.